Kat - I need you to take that shirt off my bear now.
Lauren - Well, Mishka, do I have your consent to take your shirt off?
Kat - It doesn't matter. He's underage, anyway.
Lauren - Yet another thing we share...
Kat - HEY! DO YOU WANT AIDS?!
Melissa - I'M ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!!!
Melissa - They cancelled bowling... Thanks, ya fucks.
Roo - How do you put a dick in a mouse?!
Lauren - Questions you should never have to ask...
Roo - I need an adult....
Rob - I'm going to Yoga class
*a few minutes later*
Lauren - Oh wait! *out the window* HEY ROB!
Rob - Yeah?
Lauren- I'LL DOWNWARD FACE YOUR DOG!
Lindsey - I love Art House so much. It's like I left home to come home.
David - I feel like all hamsters have British accents
Emily - *has a full conversation with her bed*
Ashleigh - I. Love. Legos.
*Kat pushes Danielle into the pantry.*
Danielle - Wanna get it on in the pantry?
Kat - Wanna get in MY pantry? I'll let you see what's on my racks!
Danielle - SPICY!!
*Danielle finds a black, squishy blob in a sour patch kids bag. Forces Brandon and Melissa to eat it.*
Danielle - What is this? This isn't a sour patch color! It's burned!
Brandon - It's pretty easy to tear apart...*eats* OH GOD, IT'S CRUNCHY
David Ozug - Pubic Dreads.
*Kaitlyn doing cartooning homework of a cat*
Brandon - You should make him poot.
Kaitlyn - Yeah, I'll draw his butthole!
David - Watch him get a resurrection in his pants.
David - You just got SkyRIMMED.
Ivan - If I ask you to take off your clothes, I'm not trying to seduce you. I'm trying to draw you.
David - I want a whale saddle.
Alexis - Hit the little girl!
David - I wanna get chocolate-fisted.
David - I have a crotch right here that wants to live.
Ivan - Some vaginas just want to watch the world burn.
Kaley - *serious voice* I am a strong independent Pokemon and I don't need no Trainer.
Alexis - They should hold events called 'Twerking for Cancer'.
(Explaining how majestic "The Room" is)
Brandon - it's like President Obama farting softly...
Alison - ...in the mouth of a Syrian Rebel.
Matt - This is art house. We should be walking on sunshine, not eggshells!!
Emily - Amazon!....Amazob?
Lauren - Handjob?!
(Lexi making a mad libs, Erving's answer)
"I will fart across the hotdog, pooping far and wide"
Roo - Ivan, you're the one who is going to be sprayed by his nipple pulp.
Kat - Cats are food, not friends.
Timmy - That's an Asian thing to say.
Lauren - Nick... Why are you rubbing your nipples?
Little Nick - Because I love chaos.
Rob - Don't blame me, blame my big ass.
Emily - And she looked at my plate and said "holy shit, you can really put it away!"
Lauren - Put it away. Right in the vagina.
Emily - HEY MAN! That's gross!
Melissa - But accurate!
Kevin - I just pull up the Papa John's menu and fap away
David - What if buttholes had nipples?
Nick - Stop explaining yourself to everyone, Nina's left tit!
Mo - Should i put on a skirt?
Mells - Why?
Mo - 'Cause I'm getting my vagina checked out.
Mells - Oh.
Jacob - I will never get on the quote site because I never have anything to say.
Sarah - (starting a conversation after dead silence) So I went to a sex shop today...
(Mo posts photo set of Melissa looking tremendously horrified and disgusted)
Danielle - What did Bro Haus show her this time?
Melissa - A woman smoking a cigarette with her prolapsed rectum.
Lauren - Up and down and eat the donut.
Nathan - Everytime I see my watch, I'm like yo...what up watch?....Two - Chainz
Kevin - That's why I am not a duck.
(Watching Pan's Labyrinth)
Matt - If David Bowie suddenly appears in this scene, I swear I will orgasm.
(On Screen) It's a Labyrinth!
Nathan - The scary thing about Chief Keef is not that he hates, but that he doesn't like.
Austin - He has more daddy issues than...Britney Spears
Austin - Okay, here's the plan. We take a styrofoam ball, carve it out with vinegar because that's how it actually works, place a balloon inside of it and fill the balloon with dripping red paint. Then, we have Ashleigh grab her shot-gun and at the gallery opening, all classy and pretentious, she'll appear, shoot the orb and splatter the BIGGEST fucking blood-paint splatter all over the marble and tile. It will be magnificent and have no purpose and all the purpose all at once.
Ashleigh - Yes, I hate art.
(In Class, Critiquing *Gasp* another student's drawing of Bowie)
Danielle: I like how you went for his...late 90's look?
Ashleigh - 2002, when he cut his hair and went full Leon, classy charcoal suits and all.
Danielle - Yes, with the suddenly flat lizard face and the conservative guise as he escorted his daughter to school...
Ashleigh - She was two, he was just having his final day before the heart attack, come on Danielle.
Danielle - It was a good time but also, a not so good time. Oh yeah, back to the critique...
Kate - we've gone through 20,000 years in a few weeks, we've been around, we'er history sluts
Lauren - No. He only watches me sleep while his dick is in me.
Ashleigh - Perhaps the battle is not with an enemy, but rather, the entire story serves as an introspective journey to confront his self and his personal demons.
Lauren - Wow. That was so deep, I tripped into your puddle and fell into an ocean.
Jeff: (strokes illustration of a vagina) I want an omelette. An... Ovari-omelette.
(brainstorming for Raven's video art essay)
Ashleigh - The tongue -wet, lathers the candy red sphere. Slowly it undulates in and out. In and out. In. Out. Glistening, the highlight's sharp refraction is nothing but a mirror reflection of he viewer's soul, as they cringe beyond the fourth wall.
Raven - ...I chose this piece because...
Alexis - How about you keep your period in your vagina and not on your face?
Kaitlyn - Can't have a broken butthole!
Madeleigh - Only two things get better with age: Cheese and Brandon
Lindsey - Everyone's Tennant-sexual.
Danielle - I didn't mean to bestiality!
(Watching Pitch Black)
Kevin - What a RID-DICK
Everyone:(extreme and voluminous laughter)
Kevin - I didn't expect that to go over so well.
Kevin - (In epic movie voice over) Brendan Fraiser, he is...........................................
Nick - (holding Maddie's beanbag)
Maddie - Don't hit me with your flaccid bean sack!
Nick - Sparkling water is like, the rice-krispies of water.
Danielle - I'm a prolapsed virgin, and I plan to stay that way. (about prolapsed rectums)
Danielle - ...and the best part of Vampire's Kiss is Nicolas Cage eats a real, live cockroach. No lies! No acting! He ate one alive. It's insane.
Maddie - Wow. That's amazing. I wonder how he felt while being eaten.
Danielle - Well, probably crunchy and protein-y...
Maddie - No, how the cockroach felt. Being eaten alive by Nick Cage. Wow.
Lexi - What would you do if I longboarded down this and got hurt ?
Erving - Don't! You'll die.
Lexi - Call 911.
Erving - (pretends to talk to 911) Hey this bitch in the middle of the road is really dead.
Lexi- Fo real.
Lexi - I'm never on the quote site because I only say funny shit when everyone's in their "happy place"
Lindsey - what would a girl do if she didn't have fingers?
Jacob - A lot of things.
Lindsey - I wouldn't be able to live because I don't have a sex toy
Lexi - I hate Halloween costumes that have fake muscles. Those kids look like stuffed-up condoms.
Lauren - We only made it 14 minutes into RENT ? Gosh. New Record.
Ashleigh - Look at the cat.... I... I like to watch him sleep. Look at his little ears. His nose. His little kitty toes. Aw.
Lauren - I'm not going to drink "fap"
Nick - My spirit animal is an air horn.
Andrew - That sounds like secularism.
Mo - Is that a type of porn?
Victor - It is if you want it to be.
Sarah- (Watching Super Spice Bros 2) Its like a wet dream...
Danielle - ...and who would have thought, Iggy Pop outlived Lou Reed.
Ashleigh - Actually, I can believe that. Iggy was pretty healthy. Healthier than the whole bunch. We just forget that because he was crazy.
Danielle - Yeah, Iggy fucking ate food. Which you may underestimate, but it's important! David was just not eating and Lou was on a diet of angst and heroin, but Iggy? Iggy was like "Fuck yeah, cake. Fried chicken." And he would work out on stage and bleed out the junk food. He fucking ate so much. Read any interview from that era. He's eating.
[In class, everyone has to guess the meaning of graphic symbols. A circle with two dots is shown]
Ashleigh - That's obviously a plug.
Danielle - Nah, it's a woman when viewed from under her legs because you know, holes.
(Class is silent, then groans)
Danielle - Like, her anus an..
Ashleigh - We know Danielle.
Ivan - Suck my tits
Bethany - I'll suck your dick, but not your tits
Kevin - Did someone spank me on the way out?
Bro house - No
Kevin - Cause my butt really hurts
(Nathan is pressing his chest into Danielle's nose)
Danielle - Stop sexually harassing me.
Nathan - It's okay, I haven't entered you.
Rob - The best way to cook a pokemon is to keep it in it's pokeball. That way it can't escape! Hold it over the fire, crack that sucker and serve it on a nice warm platter.
Lauren - We can manufacture those like a Mexican sweatshop...
Ashleigh - Punk's not dead. It's irrelevant.
Ashleigh - I'm so punk rock, I don't even like punk rock.
Ashleigh - My favorite punk band is the Stooges. I don't particularly like their music, but I appreciate their lifestyle.
Danielle - I had a beard in kindergarten.
Art House Computer - Computer wants to be pornographic.
Computer wants titty.
sometimes i skip through lands of lollipops and cherubs.
i once torrented the internet
because i am great.
I fluffed my pants.
Kevin - I can tell I'm growing new hairs because I get ingrown hairs
Emily - Chapstick, mothafuckah!
Sarah - I love the way fashion magazines smell...
Rob - (Opening Lounge Door) Who is in here? Aw. Opening this door is like opening a present. You never know who you will see inside.
Sean - Knock-knock?
Rob - What?
Ashleigh - So he goes home to his wife like "OUR DAUGHTER'S A DIRTY SLUUUT" but she already knew that 'cuz she's, you know, psychic. No big deal.
Melissa - I'd like to nominate Lauren and Mo for coming to visit me at the hospital.
Mo - I would like to nominate Lauren for humping random things in the hospital.
Lauren - Including your mom...
Melissa - YOU HUMPED MY MOM?!?!?
Lauren - She looked so peaceful
Mells :WAKE ME UP WHEN SEMESTERS END!!!!
Lauren - I mean... Jeez. I had a dream where the whole thing was just me finding my socks... And then wearing them. What even?
Emily - Welcome to semesters.
Danielle - GUYS QUOTE SITE THAT! No seriously, that's my job! I tell you guys when stuff is funny and then you quote site it...
Halli - What are we talking about? Bagels? I can tell you all about Bagels
Nick - Halli where are you form?
Halli - Long Island.
Nick - No, New Jersey has better bagels.
Halli - New Jersey has better garbage!
*Halli walks away victorious*
Kate F. - You look like a chocolate bar.
Sarah - Hey, can you be my porn guardian?
Mo - I ALWAYS know where my clitoris is!
Ilyssa - Why is it whenever I try to be bitchy I can't, but when ever I try to be nice I'm a bitch?
Austin - Because you're Jewish.
Alison - Maybe I should try smoking coffee beans instead.
Sarah - I want to look into the sun with my hair wrapped around my chin and a soft light behind me, and as the sun glistens in my eyes, a single tear will roll down my face and then, I'll truly know I'm amish.
Ivan - I'm excited for the figure painting class
Erving - THEY HAVE A FINGER PAINTING CLASS?!
Nick - I wonder how much farther I can go before Mo punches me.
Nick - ... Let me lick sweet nothings in your ear.
Lauren - Let's just drop out of school and start a sex-comedy act. Ugh. *falls over*
Mo - Yeah it's perfect! Like Doctor Ruth, but with three people.
Melissa - And I'll chime in every once in a while with a joke about how inexperienced I am!
Mo - Oh my god I'm going to have an art orgasm on this couch!
Melissa- I am so much tougher than a wet poodle!
Lauren - My favorite fact about nature is that mountains are naturally hairless.
Jessica - Hey nutmegs an abortificent! Thats really handy!
Lauren - Oh wow! My new favorite flower! Hooker's li-
Nathan - RHODODENDRON!
Lauren - -lips... Um.
Nathan - Oh. Well those are MY favorite flower.
Melissa - Was that the night you left and never came back?
Lauren - No... That was the night you went to the bathroom and didn't come back for 20 minutes.
Melissa - I pooped!
Sarah - All those Native Americans died on the way to Oregon because of the Trail of Tears
Nick - Sarah you are mixing up the Oregon trail and the Trail of Tears
Sarah - Oh which one had the gold?
Nick - Sarah thats the gold rush
Sarah - Well they sure aren't doing their taxes in there
Ivan - *screams* She's topless!!!
Sarah - They've found a whole new section of youtube
Nick - Dildos arent dicks!!
Sarah - But they try to be and thats all that matters!!!!
Mo - I think my wedding would be either superhero themed or Hogwarts themed... and Lauren would probably be... The Flash?
*Lauren gestures dramatically towards all her Ironman paraphernalia and shoves bobble head in mouth for added emphasis while groaning*
Melissa - I don't know what just happened but I'm happy that it did. Which is most of my life.
Nina - Isn't Silence of the Lambs about Jesus?
Danielle - She says the www part of a web address.
Lauren - She is my favorite
Danielle - She is a dying breed, in that she is over the age of 40.
Melissa - If I took his brain and I... PUT IT IN MY HEAD. I'd be so successful.
Mo - If you could have a sex room in the future, like a room just for sex in your house, would you?
Lauren - Um. Yes. I have one right now.
*Mo looks around and raises an eyebrow*
Lauren - Yeah it's that cubby hole right up there. But the only action you get is getting up there.
Sarah - Well, DO you want a luuurve buddy?
Andrew King - WHAT WRONG WITH THAT ORANGE?
Anonymous - Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.
Andrew - It doesn't work because sweaters are cold blooded- Wait what.
Melissa - She's legally blind.
Lauren - Thats why I can't have a one night stand, because I wouldn't be able to tell who I'm with.
Alison - All I have is a brother. And he doesn't make a very good pet.
*Motions to Hottie on Stage*
Lauren - He walks like a goofy ostrich.
Danielle - If he's an ostrich, he can stick his head in my sand any day.
Danielle - Hey. Quote me right now.
Mo - Oh I like Harry Otter!
Mo - Wait that's not an otter! That's a penis!
Austin - Nudes are saved forever.
Lauren - Only in your heart!
Austin - And my phone.
Kevin - More or less. I'm more of a goat...
Sarah - I feel like all the little woodland creatures are going to die in the snow. And when it melts there will be little skeletons everywhere.
Lexi - I hate people that complain too much.
Nina - Especially on the Internet.
Nick - Especially on a gay hook up app...
Nathan - Stank puss make my dick soft.
Sarah - You mean like stinky pussy?
Lauren - No, the opposite.
Danielle - What is the opposite of sexting?!?
Lauren - I'm going to thrust my longest tentacles all the way into your hallways.
Sarah - You're like the seeing eye dog to my words
*watching youtube videos*
Austin - You should just type in "pubic hair wig".
"pubic hair wigs jingle"
Nina - Click it!
*playing: pubic hair wig, pubic hair wig, pubic hair wig,pubic hair wig thicker fuller richer head of hair, come get your dignity back*
Lexi - Look guys only 10 views, WE'RE 11!!